House of Cheng

Hanging at the House of Cheng!!

Dave graciously let me stay at his house for a night after Council. I can think of no better way to pay tribute to him then by giving a recap of the visit!!

Pre-Arrival: Since I didn’t know where Dave actually lived, it was going to be necessary to follow him home. Luckily, he chose a parking spot at council that he deemed “a not well known secret”. I would have called it “Illegal”. Let’s just say he was in a prime spot to do takeout for that closed Jamaican place. So, I got in my bird shit covered vehicle, and we proceeded to a carwash. I offered to pay for Dave’s carwash, but he informed me he would never let strangers screw with his car. I elected for the Lava Wash, best $20 I ever spent…except for the fee for my first divorce. (Well, maybe the fee for the 2nd divorce) He then interrogated me to ensure I had a EZPASS/IPASS, since he was going to gleefully blast through some tolls on the way to his house. By interrogate, I mean he never mentioned a thing, luckily I’m a car boy scout and am always prepared. (Also, my car was more aerodynamic sans all the bird crap)

Arrival: Not going to give an exact address, but Dave lives in a nice house in a suburb of Albany. (Well, as nice as one could have for being in Albany) Now Dave knows my car is like ground zero for bird attacks, so he tells me to park in the driveway under the tree. He smooths it over by commenting that squirrels have been really bothering him in that tree….oh goodie. I then help him take his stuff into the house. I am on vacation for 11 days, I have one backpack and a gym bag. Dave has packed his entire life into his car for a day trip to Schenectady, so we spend a zillion trips hauling all of this crap into the house. Luckily, he has a cart to transport all this stuff once inside. I’d recommend the next visitor doing the ole “My back has been acting up routine.”

Tour: I now get a tour of the house, and the grounds. (I will point out to be fair I elected for the full tour) First thing you see in Dave’s house is the biggest TV in the world. I mention, “You know, that’s like the biggest TV in the world.” He immediately scoffs, and says he wants a bigger one. He then tells me he has an inordinately high amount of TVs. I mention I saw the one in the dining area right behind me, but he actually uses that as a painting/scenery. To show me, he puts on a collection of what he calls the great works of art from history. (The next three pictures are all comic monsters and fighters from a discarded D&D manual) I looked for awhile and never once saw “Dogs playing poker”, so I call bullshit on the classical art charade.

He shows me his bedroom, (big tv taking up closet), and closes the door. As he is closing the door, he says….”This won’t be weird”. It actually never occurred to me it would be weird til he said that. Anyhoo, he does have this really cool recessed lighting thing for when he wakes up at night. The reason this small bit of lighting is important is that Dave sleeps in utter and complete Darkness. (Capital D...three local vampires refused to stay in there cause it's too damn dark) We then go to another bedroom, but this bedroom has been converted to a giant walk in closet. The reason I knew it was a closet is because there was more clothes hanging up in here than what you’d see on an episode of Cribs. He also keeps his shoes in there. To get a viewpoint on how many shoes, go to your local footlocker, and tell them to stop screwing around with the wall displays and bring out every shoe they sell and line them up. I casually mention that I actually brought all 4 pairs of shoes I own, (1 set golf cleats, 2 pair sneakers, 1 pair work dress shoes), and that having more shoes than spots on a dalmation might be a tad bit excessive. (We agree to disagree)

We walk towards his office, so we go past main bathroom. He informs me I am too filthy to use this bathroom, and that I should go to the back of the house and use that one instead if I find the need. He uses an excuse like, “This bathroom is dirty”, but I could understand the code. His office is actually what other people would mistakenly think was the Master Bedroom. He has a printer in this room that would make people at the Daily Planet envious. We check out the basement, and by basement, I mean the place Dave refers to as the “Guest Suite”. It is actually pretty nice, except for the massive work area with an inordinate amount of power tools and saws. (There is a book next to the TV down there that says, “Disposing Bodies for Dummies”)

We now go upstairs and see the masterpiece of the house, the game room. The reason you know it is a game room, is cause there are 3 huge tables that Dave informs me that would support 8 cheerleaders apiece. (We’ve been playing the wrong games all this time apparently) There is also a fridge in there, door wide open….nary a Bud Light to be found. We go out the back, and as I am shutting the door, Dave says….”Don’t shut that door”. We go around and look at his yard, and he shows me the plans to make a cool deck and firepit, and a place so Dave can grill all year round. While we are going round the other side, a friendly cat meows at us, and perches on the fence. What a lot people don’t know is, Dave is a real Cat-a-tarian, and he was really upset that the cat ran off before he could get his hands around it.

All in all, a great house.

That Night: I tell Dave to go ahead and hit the hay, I’m just gonna walk to a bar and watch the football game. (Colts are playing the Seahawks) Dave had been mentioning he was looking forward to a nap, and I didn’t want to be in his hair, so I figured this would be good for everyone. So Dave walks with me to the local watering hole. We are going to eat there as well, so I ask Dave what’s good there, and he replies, “Not the service”. (OK, I made that part up) The place was fine, but once the Colts game started, he wanted me to go and get some beers and we’d watch them at his place. So we do that, and Dave then spends the next 3 hours trying not to fall asleep. (I could’ve just stayed at bar……just saying)

Next Morning: So I get up and take a shower. He has this breathe mint stuff downstairs that tasted awful, which I mentioned to him. I think it was called Blue Cotton Soap. However, I had really clean teeth. I make the bed as good as I can, and go upstairs. Dave is about ready to go, and asks me if I used bathroom/shower? I said yeah, and he said….”Go downstairs, turn on the fan in the bathroom”

We went to breakfast, which I learned everything there is know about Anthropology and Students rooming together.

A good visit. (Most of this is pretty close to accurate, but obviously I took some creative license)